Stage 2: Pre-Take-off Now we're cooking. As I get past the couple with the over stuffed, so called carry-ons, the ones that they tried so desperately to fit in the overhead compartments and now will have to return for outside pick-up, I can see my aisle seat waiting for me. Of course there is someone in it. I politely nod and explain that they're in my seat, to which they give that Oscar performance known as the 'Oh I am so sorry, what was I thinking? Are you sure that I'm in the wrong seat?' act. To which I give the NOT so Oscar performance known as the 'Painful grimace and pretend thank-you' back to them. We exchange awards and sit down.
Just as I get comfortable, Laura walks by me and makes her way to a seat somewhere in the back of the airplane. It's funny how her and I rarely sit together on a plane, yet we are a legit couple, years of 'couple' experience?! It's like we are improving our odds of a part of the relationship surviving if there should be a crash or something. Like we're the President and Vice President of our own company called 'Our Relationship'!! She usually chalks it up to scheduling or ticket buying discrepancies, but I chalk it up to only being 'fishy'. "Oh, I forgot to check us in last night. You're sitting in 3A with Sally Complainer and I'm in 22B with a good book. Sorry". Truthfully, it doesn't bother me near as much as it bothers her. I like to chat to people I don't know, she doesn't. This did all start though on a trip that involved bringing our dog, me conveniently sitting 15 rows away from her, with our puppy in a bread box at my feet, hyperventilating and trying desperately to poke her head out....fishy....
One of our stewards walks by and I see that he's following protocol and heading straight for the exit aisle. I have been on hundreds of flights and this is probably the most entertaining exchange that you'll ever witness, the moment the Flight Attendant stares directly into the eyes of the lucky soul by one of the exit doors and asks, "If this plane should go down and in case of any emergency, are you able to handle the removal of this exit door and help others to safety?". Now just for reassurance, 99% of the time this person is NOT able to do this, yet 99% of the time, this person says, "Oh yeah, no problem". Thats a lot of pressure to put on anyone. It could be an 86 yr old woman with a cane or the older Chinese couple I witnessed on my last flight who spoke no english yet nodded and thought that together they could carry the 50 lb door. Maybe it's a 15yr old boy with teenage insecurities and soft rubbery noodle arms or even a healthy strong guy like myself, it's not the door that usually is the problem, it's the 'helping others' to safety that clicks and fizzes in their brains. Actually my first memory of one of these interactions did involve an older lady and a very stern stewardess. She asked her the usual and the woman froze for a second, then said, " Are you asking me or telling me?"...hahahaaa.. I busted up. She was one of the 1% that was honest and moved seats. In the case of the elderly Chinese couple, did the flight attendant really think that they were up to the task? I think not, but like many of these repetitive situations, protocol gave way to reality and the reality was that this attendant had many other things to do and knew that if the plane went down, all hell would break loose and this couple would not even factor in the end result......
Follow Part 3 tomorrow where 'In-Flight' takes centre stage....
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