Flying- Part 2

Stage 2: Pre-Take-off  Now we're cooking. As I get past the couple with the over stuffed, so called carry-ons, the ones that they tried so desperately to fit in the overhead compartments and now will have to return for outside pick-up, I can see my aisle seat waiting for me. Of course there is someone in it. I politely nod and explain that they're in my seat, to which they give that Oscar performance known as the 'Oh I am so sorry, what was I thinking? Are you sure that I'm in the wrong seat?' act. To which I give the NOT so Oscar performance known as the 'Painful grimace and pretend thank-you' back to them. We exchange awards and sit down.
    Just as I get comfortable, Laura walks by me and makes her way to a seat somewhere in the back of the airplane. It's funny how her and I rarely sit together on a plane, yet we are a legit couple, years of 'couple' experience?! It's like we are improving our odds of a part of the relationship surviving if there should be a crash or something. Like we're the President and Vice President of our own company called 'Our Relationship'!! She usually chalks it up to scheduling or ticket buying discrepancies, but I chalk it up to only being 'fishy'. "Oh, I forgot to check us in last night. You're sitting in 3A with Sally Complainer and I'm in 22B with a good book. Sorry". Truthfully, it doesn't bother me near as much as it bothers her. I like to chat to people I don't know, she doesn't. This did all start though on a trip that involved bringing our dog, me conveniently sitting 15 rows away from her, with our puppy in a bread box at my feet, hyperventilating and trying desperately to poke her head out....fishy....
    One of our stewards walks by and I see that he's following protocol and heading straight for the exit aisle. I have been on hundreds of flights and this is probably the most entertaining exchange that you'll ever witness, the moment the Flight Attendant stares directly into the eyes of the lucky soul by one of the exit doors and asks, "If this plane should go down and in case of any emergency, are you able to handle the removal of this exit door and help others to safety?". Now just for reassurance, 99% of the time this person is NOT able to do this, yet 99% of the time, this person says, "Oh yeah, no problem". Thats a lot of pressure to put on anyone. It could be an 86 yr old woman with a cane or the older Chinese couple I witnessed on my last flight who spoke no english yet nodded and thought that together they could carry the 50 lb door. Maybe it's a 15yr old boy with teenage insecurities and soft rubbery noodle arms or even a healthy strong guy like myself, it's not the door that usually is the problem, it's the 'helping others' to safety that clicks and fizzes in their brains. Actually my first memory of one of these interactions did involve an older lady and a very stern stewardess. She asked her the usual and the woman froze for a second, then said, " Are you asking me or telling me?"...hahahaaa.. I busted up. She was one of the 1% that was honest and moved seats. In the case of the elderly Chinese couple, did the flight attendant really think that they were up to the task? I think not, but like many of these repetitive situations, protocol gave way to reality and the reality was that this attendant had many other things to do and knew that if the plane went down, all hell would break loose and this couple would not even factor in the end result......
Follow Part 3 tomorrow where 'In-Flight' takes centre stage....

Flying-Part 1

I love flying! Ever since I was a wee lad, flying has been in my blood. My grandfather on my mother's side was a war pilot and ended up being a Major General in the Canadian Air Force. I didn't take advantage of the experience and knowledge he had and realized after it was too late that I should have looked for work in the aviation world anyways. I still can, but as a 6' foot 8" dude, I won't be piloting any plane soon, as cockpit instruments don't take kindly to elbows and knees. As well, Laura loves to remind me that at the tender age of 43, while holding my paperbacks out in front of me at about 3 feet to read properly, seeing the altimeter or vertical speed indicator (important gauges) could be a nightmare waiting to happen for a plane full of passengers.
    So, rather than dwell on the fact I won't be piloting a plane, I take to reading, watching and thinking about flying quite often. The TV show Mayday has been an excellent source for me. Although it is solely about plane crashes, I can't get enough of it. I actually think about all of those episodes and situations when I'm on board myself. I can't talk about them out loud of course, but they are rattling around my brain constantly, making every sound compelling and everyone on board a player in my theatre known as flight. Catch the show if you can stomach it and you'll know what I mean.
    There is quite a humorous side to flying as well, for me anyways... 
Stage one: Pre-boarding.. There's always the poor old lady who's at the wrong gate, shuffling by and lost. You feel bad for her but know that she'll make it somehow, yet you snicker. Then you see the guy who thinks he's late and runs up to the desk looking for his boarding pass, bags falling all around him and cell phone in hand, cutting people off and playing his 'I'm Important' card for everyone to see. He then quickly realizes he's early and glances up, slightly embarrassed, to the audience he has created. Asshole. He then pretends to look important and peruses his cell phone once again (pretty sure I've done this before). Finally, and this one tricked me, you see the desk manager grab the microphone and begin to announce pre-boarding for the various problem people and execs (frequently confused as being the same characters). Only you notice that there is no sound coming out on the concourse speakers so you smartly walk up and tell them that no one can hear them, proud of yourself and looking quite smug probably. They then cover the mic with their hand and lean in and whisper to you, " I know, I am taping this and will play it when we're ready, please take a seat..."...ouch..
Follow tomorrow in Part 2 as the discussion swings to 'Exit Seats, Delays and Random Seating'...

Canada! Please win a Stanley Cup!

    Do you know what was happening the last time that a Canadian team won the Stanley Cup? Well, I'll refresh your memory. We had the first female Prime Minister in Kim Campbell and Bill Clinton was leading the grand US of A. It was $4.25 for a movie ticket and Jurassic Park was the big hit. A hugely popular TV show about a retired baseball player was having it's finale. Yes, we said good-bye to Ted Danson and Cheers after an eleven year run. The first Beanie Baby was born. Wait, this one's going to shock you, the WORLD WIDE WEB was officially introduced!! Yup, it was 1993 and the Montreal Canadiens were on top of the Hockey world after defeating the Los Angeles Kings and a young superstar by the name of Gretzky.
    Many a Leaf fan was disgusted that year as they remember too well that their superstar, Dougie Gilmore, was high sticked in the face by Gretzky with no penalty and ultimately would lose to the Kings. It would have set up one of the most anticipated finals in league history, a Montreal vs. Toronto showdown for the ages. Us Montreal fans didn't care who they met in the final though as it was a year of destiny. The powerhouse Penguins with Lemieux somehow lost to the New York Islanders, and Montreal, after being two down to the Nordiques in the first round, pulled out the first of their record 10 overtime wins and proceeded to beat them as well as Buffalo in the next round. The Islanders were no match in the conference final and the stage was set for their record 24th Stanley Cup. Montreal defeated the Kings 4 games to 1 with two overtime thrilling goals by John Leclair. It was the last year a Canadian team won the cup and incidentally the last year an all North American roster won the cup.
    I am a die hard Montreal fan, but as everyone around me could attest, all I want now is for Canada to bring back the cup. It's crazy to think that I have to cling to the winter Olympics every four years to bring me some Canadian joy. Hopefully the road to the Stanley Cup this year won't go through Toronto, but if it has to, I might do a little dance somewhere in honour of our true National Pastime. It is looking mighty good right now for my old Montreal Canadiens though. Go Habs Go!!...

Me & Stephen King

Or is it, 'Stephen King and I'?..hmmm..you probably want to get that right when musing about a writer. As far as fiction novels go, I have only read one author's books and Mr.King gets that honor. The very first one was The Dead Zone and it remains my all time favorite. It's brilliance was only reinforced by the movie as Christopher Walken mesmerized us as Johnny Smith. Since then (1985) I have probably only read a handful of his other work and a 'handful of books' isn't like a 'handful of change'. I can count them on one hand and twice I've read Different Seasons. That book, with four short stories, was a game-changer for me. Actually it was a game-changer for the world as two of the four became immensely popular movies, The Shawshank Redemption (Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption) and Stand By Me (The Body). Apt Pupil was also made into a movie but it didn't garner the accolades the other two did. It actually was my favorite novella of the four and I've probably read it 5 or 6 times. It is a powerful story, especially for a teenager.
    Only just recently have I picked up reading again! Yes, as my close family can attest, it's probably been decades since I've read an actual book. Two weeks ago I went back to my stalwart and read The Girl who loved Tom Gordon and Bag of Bones, finishing them in record time (for me). It's much different now however. I am focused on the stories and able to fly through them, yet the whole time something miraculous is happening, I am constantly thinking about writing now. I believe that is what is helping me get through them much quicker. It utterly amazes me what must go into writing a complete novel, or novella for that matter, and getting it to print! It is of course no coincidence that Bag of Bones is about a writer, but I am currently reading Everything's Eventual and my thinking is exactly the same. My mind is just swirling with ideas and I'm now taking to putting these on paper.
    As you can imagine, this newly found 'reading' thing, I keep ecstatically explaining to people as being so mind blowing, is garnering quite a few chuckles and rightfully so. All I know is that it's opened up my mind in a way that nothing has in quite a while. It could be my surroundings, it could be that I'm getting older, it could be that I'm drinking more water! It doesn't matter, I'm jumping all over it!.....